I recently celebrated a birthday. I don’t do significant milestones anymore. I am just getting old but I am not complaining as not everyone gets that privilege. I want to say that I am grateful for every second that I am here on earth but in reality that is not the case. One of my favorite Breaking Bad moments is when Walter White is at his own party to celebrate his remission from cancer. It is speech time and he says how when he first got the diagnosis, he thought why me? Then he says when he got the remission news he thought the same thing. Silence in the room.
Illness is a wake up call to the reality of our lives. And that we are all here for a limited time only. But it doesn’t change anything. Only if we let it change us – for better or worse. I have struggled with a few health challenges in this decade. I didn’t become a drug dealer/killer like Walter did but nor have I been living my best life. I have to accept this harsh realization as I really don’t want another kick in the ass from the Universe.
We had my birthday dinner at a local favorite restaurant. I don’t believe in trying new restaurants for special occasions anymore. It puts too much pressure on and what if one or everyone doesn’t like it. Better stick with something tried and true. But not the case with life, I think you really have to break out of your comfort zone if you want to accomplish something great.
No birthday is complete without a pre mani/pedi and then a movie afterwards. We watched Don’t Worry He Won’t Get Far on Foot. I really didn’t know much about it except that it had Joaquin Phoenix and was in it and it was directed by Gus Van Sant. I will watch anything directed by Gus Van Sant with Drugstore Cowboy being one of my favorite movies of all time. But I did know that it wasn’t a horror movie and I wanted to give my husband a break. Horror movies are my thing and usually my go to but not for him. I feel bad making him watch them most of the time. I still did try to slip in some horror options but he was like let’s go with the Joaquin Phoenix one.
The alcohol addiction so expertly portrayed by Phoenix was scarier than any horror movie. It was hard to watch but luckily he gets into recovery. It’s not unusual for people to still be using when they start as nothing is cut and dry. And since this is a movie, we go from steps 1, 2, 3 to 9 pretty quickly. The 9th step of AA is to make direct amends to people we had harmed except when to do so would injure them or others. He was also doing these steps in a group with his sponsor – different from the one to one approach but again this is a movie. This sponsor and group would not let him blame anyone for anything – including that he was abandoned by his mother and then later becoming a paraplegic from his alcoholic choices. It made me think of how I still blame others in my life. Though I also thought this group never met my narcissistic mother. Just joking – well sort of. I know I have to be the bigger person but I am also tired of that. Right now I try to stay in my lane and not cause any bad karma. It is hard to take responsibility for one’s life. The amazing inspiring thing about this movie is that it is based on a true story, And when he does the steps he finds his creativity and true calling via his drawing of controversial cartoons.
So the key is to remain hopeful and never give up! Everyday take action – even small ones and eventually you will be there.
