I recently celebrated my 15th wedding anniversary.  That is no small accomplishment especially if you were to know my history.  I woke up on the day alone as my husband had already gone to work.  Originally we had planned that he would work from home that day and we would go out to dinner but as it turns out the plans shifted.  I had a doctor’s appointment that I was nervous about the week before and my husband decided that he would work from home on that day so he could take me.  So he ended up giving me the greater gift.  Emotional support outweighs material stuff.  And since he didn’t want to repeat the work from home after he had just done it, hence I was alone for most of the day but not really alone.  I have been in relationships where I was alone.  I would not settle for that anymore.

Relationships to me used to be dating, doing fun things, dinners, drinks, jewelry.  It can encompass these things but that is not what it is about.  

One time I was early in the dating process and I showed my needy side.  One of my married friends said “that’s good he should see that now”.  I didn’t agree with her at the time but I do know.  We can all start out on our best behavior but sooner or later who we are will show up.  And the person who you end up with has to accept you for who you are and vice versa.

And even though I married someone who is my “type” in every way, I do believe the strongest element is friendship. And really wanting what is best for the other person.

We had moved back to my mother’s house during Covid.  Don’t ask!  It was an incredibly bad idea but my mother was getting older and I was dealing with a health issue so it seemed like the right decision.   If hell was on earth, it would be in that house.  Sadly, I am used to that kind of insanity as I grew up with it but it was all new to my husband.  I knew he wanted to go as everytime my mother acted up he would be on his phone looking up apartments but I also knew that he loved me when he told me that he would do whatever I wanted to do.  Given the situation, this is a huge statement of love.  I decided to give him the  biggest gift by leaving.  I had to take a job that I normally wouldn’t have but I just couldn’t subject him to that anymore.  

I used to think that a relationship would magically fix me. I think now it can bring those unhealed parts of me to the light. Being seen is wonderful but not enough.  What I do with that is up to me.